I don’t seem to write in this space as often as I think I should. The reason being is that lately, my writing has been mostly for the organizing and sorting out of my own thoughts that are not privy to public knowledge. I truthfully don’t know who exactly reads this and who among my friends read this, so I have slightly hesitant to publish the things from my thought life on here.
With that said, this is my struggled to be transparent in my writing while still wanting to be edifying and an encouragement to those who find their way here.
Have you ever marveled at the phenomenon that is inspiration? It can come as suddenly as a spring rain. It happened to me recently and has brought renewal to my spirit. Every once in a while I find myself re-reading something and it affects me in a brand new way, or I watch/listen to something and it has that same power. We get in these ruts as we walk down our paths in life, with our pursuits on our minds, in our hands and on our beating hearts. It only takes one voice to encourage us to keep going or to back down. It’s in these ruts where we tend to forget why we do what we do, whether that’s create beautiful art, music, or just have a passion and zeal for life. It is from this place that we realign ourselves with our vision and acquaint ourselves with those encouraging voices once again, whether it’s God, a teacher, an author, or an article that we’ve once read. We have to revisit and reconnect with that which originally inspired us.
I need to reconnect with my First Love. I am not satisfied with my prayer life. Circumstances may discourage me but in the end, God wants my time and attention, not just my acknowledgement. Acknowledgement is a cheap way of giving your attention to God. An agnostic can acknowledge God, but as ones who want to spend time in the presence of God and minister to the throne, acknowledgement is insufficient. It’s barely enough to keep you alive and certainly not enough to keep one thriving.
Musically, I’ve been trying to find my voice on trombone, among other things. I watched a video that I found a long time ago from a clinic that Bill Watrous did some years ago, and was renewed. The things he said were much more profound and were much more digestible than they were when I first watched it. Even listening to other great jazz musicians has been really good. I can hear things much better than I thought I could.
I suppose you could say that until now, JOY was lacking in my life. It’s not a feeling, but a state of being. Humility and gratitude are part of joy, but, the obvious one childlike joy and wonderment has eluded me. But as I say this, joy is not something to be pursued (happiness), but joy is a state of being. I find it odd that others can see this on me, but I can’t see it in me because I certainly don’t feel like I’m walking daily in this joy.
All in all, I’m grateful for the life I’m permitted to live. While, at times it is less than ideal, it is shaping me moment by moment and day by day to be who I need to be.
tempered steel goes through refinement and purification.
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